How to behave with the ill

noreply@blogspirit.com (purplemackerel) — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 14:05:00 +0100

Christmas with Ray and his family was lovely. Going in to it in pain, and awaiting another hospital consultation I knew it wasn't going to be easy at times. Just to add to this pain I went down with a kidney infection on Boxing Day, and spent the afternoon at the local hospital. Last New Year's Eve I wished for a year without hospitals, now I wish for just a week without going to one.
Due to being so poorly I read very little, and didn't read either of the 2 books I packed (yes, we managed just the two this year). Among the beautiful gifts I received was a book of poetry from Ray, The Poetry Cure, edited by Julia Darling. This beautiful anthology of poems is for anyone going through illness, or anyone with a loved one who is ill. Julia Darling is one of my favourite authors, and I hadn't come across her poems before.

How to behave with the ill

Approach us assertively, try not to
cringe or sidle, it makes us fearful.
Rather walk straight up and smile.
Do not touch unless invited,
particularly don't squeeze upper arms,
or try to hold our hands. Keep your head erect.
Don't bend down, or lower your voice.
Speak evenly. Don't say
'How are you?' in an underlined voice.
Don't say, 'I heard that you were very ill'.
That makes the poorly paranoid.
Be direct, say 'how is your cancer?'
Try not to say how well we look,
compared to when we met in Safeway's.
Please don't cry or get emotional,
and say how dreadful it all is.
Also (and i know this is hard)
try not to ignore the ill, or to scurry
past, muttering about a bus, the bank.
Remember that this day might be your last
and that it is a miracle that any of us
stands up, breathes, behaves at all.

Julia Darling

Wild Geese - poetry

How to behave with the ill